Dont Take It Personally
Many of you already know that I've been divorced for 5 years now (Martinis for Everyone!), but I learned more than a few valuable lessons in those 5 years that I'm going to share with you. When my ex-husband first left, I was almost literally drowning in thoughts of "What's wrong with me?" I lay awake nights thinking of how I could have been different, and what I could have changed about myself to make the outcome different. Until one day, a bolt of lightning struck me. I was at home, day after day, hour after hour, minute after minute, caring for 3 children while my husband was at work socializing with other adults, male and female. Treating himself to dinner out with "clients" after work, most often to meals of sushi and dishes like teriyaki chicken, while the children and I feasted on Kraft Dinner. I thought at that time, that being completely wrapped up in who I was as a mother, probably made me a little neglectful of who I was as a woman. I mean, who has time for make-up when you're running to and from ballet classes and piano lessons, along with being literally showered with whatever the baby decided that he didn't want to eat for dinner? Make up? What the hell's that? My bolt of lightning was this; I was (and am) the mother of 3 children. I did my job with regard to caring for those children, making sure that they had food on the table, and clean clothes to wear. If that job required that I look like a dish-rag part of the time, he would just have to deal with it. His way of "dealing with it" included 'play time' with people outside of the relationship that he had with myself and our children, and that was his decision. There's nothing that I could do about his decision. I could though, start making some decisions of my own. I first decided that divorce was mandatory here. I went through the various stages. After which time, I realized that this divorce thing could be whatever I chose to make it. It could be my chance to grovel endlessly in self-pity, and beg him to come back. But I didn't want him back. Once he left, it felt as though a huge brick had been lifted from my chest. I could breathe again. My household was much more relaxed. Why on earth would I want him back? I realized then, that this was actually my chance to make my life what I wanted it to be. I accepted that I couldn't control his actions. I could though, control exactly how I reacted to what he did. I realized that what he did wasn't about me. Yes, it very definitely affected me, and our children, but I had to learn how not to take it personally. What he did, he did for his own selfish reasons, and there's nothing that I could have done to change the outcome. There was absolutely nothing wrong with me. And that's the lesson for today. Learn not to take the behavior of others, personally. You cannot control the actions of others. You can control how you react to the actions of others. Martinis for Everyone! Debbie Burgin Debbie Burgin is a divorced mother of 3, and owner of two businesses, http://www.warnerdigitalmedia.com, and http://www.debbieburgin.com, who believes that life actually gets better after divorce. "You have to make the decision that a better life is what you want. This is your chance to start over." Read more about getting through the divorce process at http://www.debbieburgin.blogspot.com
Related News
No gold yet, but No.1 attraction - The Age
No gold yet, but No.1 attractionThe Age, Australia -Aug 7, 2008ROGER Federer's press conference started late and loudly, with cameramen screaming at photographers in a packed interview room way too small for the ... |
Majestic ship should be big attraction - Ipswich Evening Star
Majestic ship should be big attractionIpswich Evening Star, UK -1 hour agoTOURISM chiefs today told of their hope that a visit by a spectacular tall ship to Ipswich will draw crowds of visitors to the town's Waterfront. ... |
Guinness Storehouse now top attraction - Irish Times
Guinness Storehouse now top attractionIrish Times, Ireland -18 hours agoDespite being the first year of the new €30 million visitor centre at the Cliffs of Moher, the Co Clare attraction moved off the most visited attraction... |
Rain brings silver lining for indoor attraction - News Wales
Boxer Hatton to unveil refurbished Blackpool attraction in ... - Blackpool Citizen
New York's Famed Amusement Park Adds New Attraction: Gitmo-Style ... - DigitalJournal.com
Coming attraction: 3-D - San Diego Union Tribune
San Diego Union Tribune |
Coming attraction: 3-DSan Diego Union Tribune, United States -6 hours agoBy Kate Stanhope This summer's slate of movies has offered its fair share of superheroes, some “Sex and the City” and, possibly, a peek into the future of ... |
A New Approach to Applicant Attraction and Selection - Interbiznet Bugler (press release)
Jets suddenly become major television attraction with Brett Favre - The Olympian
Added Attraction For Sons of the Desert Viewing - Massapequan Observer
|
|
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
My Assignment ... If You Didnt Create It, Then Its Not Yours!
Life consists of lessons. Living is continual learning. Therefore, if you take on someone else's issues and responsibilities, or lessons, would that not be classified as cheating? Are you not cheating yourself out of your own life? Are you not cheating others out of their own lessons?
How to Better Improve Your Life Through the Power of Change
I am a physicist by education, and a practical business entrepreneur by profession ? two quite different fields. At times we have all tried to unify our understanding of different areas that we have been exposed to, and so I have attempted to do the same here on a broad common theme that seemingly touches both of these two rather diverse subjects.
Invisible Braces, Viable Solutions
Invisible braces, like Invisalign, are most popular among adults. For children and young teens, having traditional braces cemented to their teeth is almost a rite of passage. Wearing braces is so common among pre-teens and teens that it's completely socially acceptable. A young woman or young man may not enjoy their braces, and they may not like having to go to the orthodontist's office, but they won't feel embarrassed by their braces.
The ?Stand-Out? Principle
Think for a moment about all the people you know that Stand Out from their peers.
Putting Yourself on the Road to Success
What separates successful people from unsuccessful people, achievers from non-achievers, winners from losers? Are people born that way or do they develop habits as they grow older which determine their stations in life?
Releasing Your Potential
In life, few people ever step up to live their lives at a higher level. They spend their lives wallowing in the circumstances that surround them. "If only things would be different, I would be able to achieve so much," or something along that line is the common chorus of these people. Most people believe in such a statement and therefore their situation reflects this attitude of mind; they don't really achieve much because they believe that something outside themselves will deliver their dreams to them. From this example I hope that you can see that it is their very thoughts that are holding them back from ever doing anything about making their vision real. It's not in the circumstances, but in the thoughts.
Lottery Winners Lose It All
You have heard it time and again. Lottery Winners lose it all and trust fund babies waste their parent's hard earned cash. In fact, up to 80% of the lottery winners in this country file bankruptcy within five years. Most of us say," That would never happen to me. You would have to be really dumb to lose all that money." Yet the very reason that these individuals let their money run through their fingers is the very reason that most of us are still working pay check to paycheck.
How The Power of Attraction Can Help You Get What You Want?
"Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become"
said Jim Rohn, one of the world's leading motivational speaker, philosopher and entrepreneur. Every great achiever knows that certain mental laws exist by which you can turn all your dreams into reality. The law of attraction is one of the most important to understand,
use and abuse!
Feng Shui To Attract Love
Not having much luck in love lately? Relationship falling apart? Maybe its those upside down dried flowers in you have hanging in your hallway, (oh so chic in Martha Stewart Land but the kiss of the death in Feng Shui circles.) Or maybe its the antique full length mirror in your bedroom ...
Abundance or Scarcity: What Belief Do You Choose to Engage?
For the last several years, I have included on my email signature the following salutation "Peace and Abundance." This is a daily reminder that my success begins with how I engage my beliefs. For I know that it is my beliefs that drive my behaviors.
A Fun Way To Make A Living
"You must be willing to do the things today others won't do, in order to have the things tomorrow others won't have." -Les Brown
Feeding
The purpose of human existence is to send out impulses to influence the environment and people where one exists, and feed upon what is received in return. This is growth, and this is where we grasp our identification and validation. What is the measure of what one feeds upon? It is one's expanding essence of existence. And what crop is one growing? Who are you feeding? The foods you eat influence what you eventually constitutionally become. Who are you creating? And most importantly, who is creating you?
Can You Change a Man?
Recently, at a public function where I was the Toastmaster, an elegant lady in her early 30s walked up to me and asked: 'Can a woman change a man?' Instead of giving her a direct answer, I asked her: 'can anybody change you from being you?' She said: 'No'. The truth is that no woman can change any man except the man himself decides to change.
5 Powerful Steps To Unleashing Your Creative Self
There is a thread of certainty that runs through many lives. It is sensed as a measured and anticipated rhythm of predictability built upon our notions of how things have been and how they will continue to be.
Faith Creates Ideas That Create Wealth
For years it seems as though the secrets to obtaining wealth were only for a selected few. Yet the truth of the matter is that these "few" have chosen to apply the principles of prosperity (at least most of the principles) in order to obtain their status, while many chose to ignore them.
You?re Right to an Abundant Life
We are all part of the universe. The universe is a living, breathing thing. I use the word "thing" because there is no other way to describe it. It is not animal, vegetable or mineral; it is all of these things. It is the creation and the substance of all life.
You Cant Direct the Wind but You Can Adjust the Sails
Dear Friend,
Change How You Say It, Change Your Attractiveness
Language, whether it's emerging from our mind, our heart, or
our lips, says a lot about ourselves. It tells others what
state we're in at the time, actually where we are in our
life, as well as how we dress our self, our body and our
soul. It also tells us what we will do now, what we did in
the past, and what we will do in the future. Yet, we are so
comfortable with our own voice and too busy to hear its
voice that negative expressions escape constantly. Does
what you say and how you say it count? U-betcha.
Law-of-Attraction Article: Wake Up and Create Something
It's time for the "mainstream" to WAKE UP. The alarm clock is ringing, they keep hitting snooze, and in the meantime, the life they could be living is passing them by.
Once Upon A Time There Was No Money
Once in a while a book comes along that can change your way of thinking for the better. A book that free's the mind of its old limitations. A change in the mind or in the ways of thinking on a very important topic. That mind-set is limiting you and keeping you from the greater awareness that the mind is actually capable of. This release of limitation brings freedom to the physical reality of your world and this also translates to the world at large around you.
|
